What To Do If Your Relationship Needs Some Spark

Art Direction and Photograph by: Catie Menke. Model: Kendall Merritt and Matt Zanis.

Interview featuring: Kendall Merritt
Models: Kendall Merritt and Matt Zanis
Creative Direction by: Catie Menke

Contributors Gallery

Contributing Writer + Model

Kendall Merritt

Contributing Writer + Model

Got any Relationship Questions? We want to hear them.

Send us your questions to hello@catiemenke.com and Kendall Merritt, Founder of Soul Saturations, Certified Energy Coach + Sex and Relationship Coach will be happy to answer!

So, in the beginning of our relationship, we had a lot of spark and a lot of passion. But now that we’ve been together for awhile, it feels like that initial spark has worn off and we are just going about our daily routine. What should I do to get the spark back?

Honor the seasons

KENDALL: I love talking about this theme of motion because in relationships, we are constantly moving and evolving. And just like the seasons of the year, we go through seasons of our relationships.

When we start off in our relationship, it’s hot and heavy. You and your partner are the number one priority. It’s the only thing that matters. You will miss sleep. You’ll go to work late. You will do all the things. And it’s important to honor that this is the first season of your relationship. And in time, it evolves and you begin figuring out how to balance your relationship and your daily routine.

Though this initial spark may fade, it’s about honoring the human experience. Honoring the fact that we evolve and grow and change - both as individuals and together. It brings some of the humanity into it. It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows but that’s what makes intimacy beautiful and the foundation for us to stand on.

Image from Interview with Kendall Merritt and Catie Menke.

Identify Own Priorities

KENDALL: I suggest in this space, to raise up and ask yourself what your priorities are at this time in your life - doing a full life assessment. Looking at both what your partner is currently going through and what you, yourself are going through. You start becoming compassionate to yourself and your partner when you can identify priorities.

So again, ask these questions about purpose, intention and impact:

What is the purpose of your relationship?
Why does it exist in the way that it does?
And what are the intentions with your relationship?

By looking at your relationship from a priority perspective, you can see what you and your partner are each going through. Like maybe one of you is starting a business. Or maybe you are a new mom. Or maybe you have experienced a really impactful life event (hello 2020). Being able to recognize each other’s current priorities helps you be even more compassionate to the current state of your relationship.

Figure out what you desire

KENDALL: And then it’s starting to say, “well what do I desire?” I like to believe that we’re not doing things right or wrong. Good or bad. It may just be different than what feels fully aligned to what you truly desire. So it’s really important to know what you want.

Ask yourself these things:

What do I really desire?
What’s going to make me feel most in alignment with my partner?
What is going to make me feel nourished and honored and respected?

Have the conversation

KENDALL: Then I think it’s really important to have the conversation with your partner which really takes a lot of courage. I recommend setting it up in a really compassionate, safe space to allow dialogue. Here is a suggestion on how to start the conversation:

“Hey, I have something really important I want to share and I want to be able to have this conversation in a place where we can focus on it. When would it be a good time to have this conversation?”

The making it a priority is an important component because it expresses to your partner the importance of this conversation. And it’s asking them to meet you in this space and scheduling it at a time where you both can be fully present.

Set an action plan

KENDALL: Once you’ve had a conversation, I suggest choosing two things that you and your partner can do to bring back that spark and align to the type of relationship you desire.

Some ideas include: